Progress...sometimes it is hard to see. Its hard to notice when things change. I may just be unobservant but I didn't notice when my relationship ended and I didn't notice the 25 plus pounds I gained since graduating college. I've been working since May to lose the weight plus some. It's hard to notice the difference especially lately. Two weeks ago I injured my knee and lower back in a weight lifting class. I wasn't cross training. I was just running and doing a heavy weight lifting class once a week. I was forced to stay off my knee for a solid week. I spent every night with an ice pack on my knee and one on my lower back. I didn't realize how strongly I had come to depend on running to relieve my stress and to wipe away the day. It sucked. It was hard to sleep. I was grumpy. I was terrified that all my hard work was going to be washed away as I sat on that couch. Work I had yet to see when I looked at myself in the mirror. Friends had told me they could see a difference but that I had always hid the weight well so to them I looked the same...
Then I saw these pictures
Last summer at my college roommate's rehearsal dinner. I had weighed in at my highest the week before at my first session with a personal trainer. I was a good 25 lbs more than when I graduated college just 2 years before. The first time I ever looked at a picture and really felt fat.
This was May, 4 days before my break up. I had lost 10 lbs since March when I had really started working out for my ex's sister's wedding in Mexico.
I looked huge. I looked big. My arms were huge and my hips were wide. I can't believe I was ever that big.
Depressing right? Why did these pictures make me feel better? Because I saw these...
August after losing 30 lbs. The first time I could fit in a medium shirt and the running capris are a size smaller as well.
Then I saw this one taken this weekend at the Baylor/ UT game. 40 lbs lighter and the smallest I can ever remember being. This gave me the motivation to start watching what I eat to watch to replace all the calories I was burning running. I am FINALLY allowed to start working out now even if it is just a small amount. I am going to cross train and take the running slowly. The best part is that for the first time I can see that I really do look different. My nightmare is that I will wake up looking like I did in the first picture one morning and have no idea how I got back there.
I hope that I can become more observant and realize how I got here and how not to go back. I think the first step is just being aware of it. Knowing that I can't eat whatever I want and not eat out. Knowing that I can't even eat whatever I want even when I do work out. It's a different lifestyle but every time I see a picture of myself I love I know it's worth it.
- J
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